While searching for that classic birthday picture of me at Disneyland in a puffy painted shirt with a fanny pack, I ran across another treasure. It was 1986 and I was turning four. I had awesome bangs that began in the middle of my head (which apparently are coming back into style thanks to Ashley, the new Bachelorette) and I was opening a pretty sweet birthday present: a pound puppy.
Please tell me you remember Pound Puppies. If you’re one of my students secretly reading my blog though I never actually told you about it and it’s awkward to mention it in class because you feel like you’re secretly stalking me, you don’t know what Pound Puppies are. And for that, I am sorry. You are truly missing out. To catch you up to speed, here’s a commercial f
or Pound Puppies from 1986. If you do remember Pound Puppies, you should probably watch the commercial too. It’s pretty ridiculous. Plus, I think Ashley from Fresh Prince is in it. Continue reading
Since I’ve decided to embrace “hardcore blogging,” I need a weekly post. Knox McCoy does the Monday Meatloaf and Tyler Stanton does the Weekly Six and no, I don’t actually know these guys, but their blogs crack me up and they are what I would call “hardcore bloggers.” They are religious about their weekly posts and I decided that I needed my own weekly “thing.” This will force me to blog at least once every week and as I ran this morning (if you count 11 AM as morning which I most certainly do), I thought about content that would be easy to write about every week.
Then it came to me.
I was running past dog beach watching dogs, that oddly always look like their owners, sniff each others butts and in a moment of clarity, I figured out what I could write about every week.
CONFESSIONS. Continue reading
I said “ass” in class yesterday. No, it was not followed by “hole” but it was preceded by “half.” I said it about 3 times and I teach at a very conservative Christian school. I wish you could have seen these junior’s faces. Priceless. It all started when I passed back some piss poor paragraphs they had turned in. Continue reading
I turned 29 yesterday. It’s okay if you forgot. If you wished me a happy birthday on Facebook, you probably didn’t remember either but were reminded by the Internet. It’s cool though because I still loved getting “happy birthdays” from random people from my past who came out of the woodworks to wish me a happy day. Yeah, I’m talking to you, you over there, lurking in the woodworks. I see you.
Birthdays, like most holidays, lose their magic after a certain age. I think this age is different for everyone but there comes a point when you stop laying in bed the night before your birthday filled with anticipation and wonder. There comes a point when birthdays stop involving elaborate slumber parties, sheet cakes, scavenger hunts, and surprise presents you’ve been dreaming about since Christmas. Continue reading
If you’re arriving here from Facebook, SURPRISE! I moved sites. Here’s the explanation for the move:
I skipped church the past two Sundays. Last week my roommate assumed I was getting ready for church and came into my room to borrow a sweater. She laughed when she saw me grinning guiltily and still laying in bed in my pajamas. Then she returned the sweater four hours later and laughed harder when I was in the exact same spot in bed, still in pajamas, looking even more guilty.
In my defense, the sermon series has been about families and although I’m sure there have been some valuable nuggets of truth for me, I’ve yet to see much Scripture regarding how one should treat their cat. Continue reading
My sisters and I have taken up yoga. Hot yoga, that is. The room is heated to 104 degrees which I love although sometimes I feel like I’m going to pass out. That’s what exercise should feel like, yeah?
It is relaxing and excruciating and fabulous all at once. It forces you to focus and balance and sweat your brains out. But I think the hardest part for me is to hold in the giggles. Because, people, there are some strange birds in yoga classes.
Should you ever decide to try hot yoga, and I highly recommend you do, there are a few characters I must warn you about. I’m assuming these characters show up at all hot yoga studios throughout the nation and you need to be warned that they will be there and they will make you giggle.
I’ve been having some issues with my teeth lately. Today I ate a cake pop at break and then popped back in my teeth before flossing. Big mistake. During the assembly, a colleague looked at me and said, “Um…you have some chocolate inside your Invisalign.” Sure enough, I took them out to discover a thick layer of chocolate smeared across the front two teeth. Wonderful.
During the past two weeks when I’ve been eating, my top lip has been getting caught in a gap in my teeth. It’s embarrassing. It kinda hurts and I have to stop talking and use my hand to physically “unstuck” my lip from my teeth. This never used to happen. But because of my “adult braces”, my teeth have been shifting and where there used to be over-crowding and over-lapping teeth, now there are hill-billy gaps. Double wonderful. Continue reading
Yesterday I screamed at an old man in a wheelchair. I believe my exact words were, “I WILL hit you, old man!” Yeah. I know. Crazy. I get it. But don’t worry- he couldn’t actually hear me. Let me explain.
I had planned a pizza party for my team in my room during lunch. Lunch starts at 12:06 but stupid Papa John’s couldn’t have my pizzas ready until noon and my school is 10 minutes away. So you see my problem. I had a very small margin of error.
I walked into the place a few minutes before 12 only to discover that Sherlock here had left her wallet in her classroom. I begged the worker to let me give her an IOU and come back to pay after school. She wasn’t having it. My groveling was making her awkward so I gave her a disappointed look and a heavy sigh and said, “Fine. I’ll be back.” And I ran out the door.
I flew to the car and while in the parking lot, a four letter word beginning with “S” flew from my lips. I got in, slammed the door, and did what any normal, frustrated person would do. I screamed as loud as I possibly could.
Have you ever done this? It feels remarkable.
I had the top bunk my freshman year of college which was fabulous but made some things difficult. Namely- getting into and out of bed. I had to climb on my desk, get a tight grip on the headboard, take a deep breathe, and swing my leg up while hoisting my whole body up and over. It was a process. I tell you this so you won’t judge me as harshly when you read this next part.
So there we were, a few weeks into school. I had bonded with my roommates and the girls in my hall- so much so that about 5 of them joined me on my bed to watch a movie. Then my roommate Jenny looked up.
“Oh my gosh, Katie. Are those boogers on the ceiling?”
There was no way out. I could think of no lie.
So I blushed, I laughed, and then I came clean.
“Yes. Yes they are. But in my defense, it’s too much of a hassle to climb down and get a tissue late at night and I can’t fall asleep with boogers in my nose.” Continue reading
“Dogs get a period?”
This question was asked by a high school student while on the Zuni Reservation. A dog, which our fearless leader named Scout, had followed us back to the school and when I went outside to do my devotions on my “holy benches”, there she was….with her period.
Only I didn’t know that until she sat at my feet for a half hour getting her ears scratched while I read my Bible. She stood up and…surprise! Scout was on her period.