Summer has officially begun. I’ve eaten several popsicles, read several books, ran several miles, and spent several hours in my hammock. Ahhh the life of a teacher. Before I begin writing “summer blog posts” however, I need to make a few more confessions from the end of the school year. This will be the last of these confessions for a few months but don’t worry, I do lots of strange stuff outside the classroom as well.
1. I drank my students’ soda. I didn’t realize this was a confession at first. I thought it was normal. A few teachers were talking about kids eating and drinking in our rooms and I casually mentioned how I make them leave their opened sodas by the door and if they forget them, I drink them. By the looks I received you would have thought my face suddenly sprouted 50 warts. Pure and utter disgust. They told me that I should NEVER do that and I should NEVER tell people that I do. So naturally I had to share this with you. Continue reading
1. I sat on the beach with my dad, brother, uncle and cousin and spent 20 minutes mocking a tourist. He asked for it. A guy in his mid-20’s ran up to the shore donning a wet suit and a look of determination while holding a rented surf board under his arms. Nothing odd yet. But then he put the surf board down and practiced his “pop ups.” You know- where you lay on the board and then POP UP to your feet once you’ve caught the wave. My dad was the first to begin the mocking. (This is pretty typical. Last night at a Christian concert he was laughing pretty hard at all the white people waving their hands.) He informed us that “pop up practice” is normal but should only occur in your living room. Continue reading
If you came here yesterday looking for the post I promised, I apologize. I’d like to say something came up and I made some sweet summer plans, but really my book just got good and I wasn’t in the writing mood. See, sometimes my personality disappears and I can’t write. Well, I can write but it is boring drivel. So I waited until my personality turned back on to write this.
There are a number of certainties that will happen when I attend a wedding.
* I will certainly get lost driving there and will most likely be late if I’m not in the wedding.
* I will certainly get teary-eyed at some point during the ceremony. (Okay, if you were at my sister’s wedding you know sometimes I full on sob.)
* I will certainly peek during prayer to find fellow prayer-peekers and see who else is taking tissue out of their bra to wipe their eyes. Continue reading
Sorry to leave you hanging in suspense with the last post. I know you must be dying to know what actually happened. Did she sneeze so loudly that the groomsman fell to the ground? Why is she covering her mouth? Why is he on the ground? Why does everyone in the background appear to be saying, “ohhhhhh”? There were several very clever captions and there are two winners because both made me laugh equal amounts.
First, Jenny’s caption: “If he’d known what an easy gag reflex she had he would have thought twice before hiding that cockroach in his ear.” So random and so excellent. Jenny has an unfair advantage though because she has always known how to make me laugh. Our freshman year of college, she made me laugh so hard I peed my pants in the library. A lot. Like enough went down my sweatpants to drench my socks. True story. Talk about a “walk of shame” heading back to the dorm room.
And the second winner comes from Zoe: As the strains of “I’ve had the time of my life” drifted away amid the groomsman’s crash, Katie finally had to admit that she should have let him be the lifter not the liftee after all…how many times was she going to fall for that ‘nobody puts baby in the corner’ line before she learned??? I love this caption for so many reasons. 1- I was obsessed with Dirty Dancing. I still remember watching it and not yet knowing what an abortion was and being very confused. 2- I probably would insist on being the lifter should this scenario ever arise. 3- That is one of my all-time favorite movie quotes. 4- Gotta love that spaghetti-armed Francis and any references to her.
So Jenny and Zoe, congratulations. You win my applause and a virtual gold star. Enjoy it.
The full story along with other awkward tales from two other recent weddings will be posted on Tuesday. Three weddings + one awkward girl = a slew of awkward moments. Start thinking of your own awkward wedding moments to share on Tuesday so I don’t feel like I’m the only one constantly blushing on other people’s wedding days.
But since I promised you I’d tell you the full story behind the picture this week and still have yet to do so, here’s a spoiler picture:
Yeah, you can imagine what happened a few moments later…
On to my weekly confessions: Continue reading
Time again for reader involvement. In the comments section, write a caption for this picture taken at my brother’s wedding this past weekend. I’ll tell you the winner and the story behind it later this week.
My brother got married on Friday and I could share a massive confession involving me making a complete and utter fool of myself where I turned bright red as every single person at the reception howled in laughter. But that story can wait. It’s still too fresh and I’m still too embarrassed about it. But let’s just say that the creepy, mustached videographer approached me afterwards and said, “It was worth me coming today if only to capture that moment.” Uh….thanks?
Instead, today’s installment of Sunday Morning Confessions are actually inspired by the last two Sunday mornings at church. In just two services I managed to rack up quite a few confessions. Continue reading
Yes, that is my crown lost in a sea of chewed up Milk Duds and yes, this has happened before.
No, not to the same tooth and no, this wasn’t the one I pulled out earlier this year.
Between all the new gaps in my smile and all the teeth I’ve been losing this year, I’m dancing dangerously close to the hill billy line. DANGEROUSLY close. Okay, so maybe I shouldn’t have tried to chew a giant wad of 10 Milk Duds at once. No one was daring me to see how many Milk Duds I could fit in my mouth; I just get really excited about candy.
When this happened in college, a different crown was dislodged. That time I didn’t realize I had pulled out a tooth. I looked at the silver crown swimming in the massive mound of chewed carmel and told my roommates, “I’m gonna be rich! They accidentally put a giant chunk of metal in the Milk Duds!” It was a humbling realization to discover that no, the Milk Dud company had not, in fact, put metal in the candy. I was simply chewing on my own dislodged, silver crown. Continue reading
1) I’m driving with an expired license. I keep meaning to renew it but I think my subconscious keeps stopping me. I have the same picture and information from when I was 16. So (a) I love that my license still says I weigh 125 pounds. (Although I do wonder if cops look at the weight and then at me and think, “125….riiii-ght.”) And (b) my picture is pretty ridiculous and I would be sad to change it to a normal one. No, I’m not making an ugly face. On purpose. When I was 16, I went through a phrase where I wore A LOT of dark make-up. My license is in essence a daily reminder to me: Katie, you’re not as cool as you think you are. Remember age 16? Continue reading